Suicide: why men need a sense of purpose today

Why Men Need Purpose Today: A Playbook for Modern Warriors

Let’s start with a simple truth: Men, we’re not just about big muscles, fast cars, or even that mysterious ability to assemble IKEA furniture without a meltdown. Nope, the secret sauce to a man’s happiness? It’s purpose.

The Age-Old Quest for Respect: Are We Chasing the Wrong Thing?

It’s tempting to believe that respect is the be-all and end-all. After all, who doesn’t want to be respected? That viral tweet by Matt Walsh – the one where he claims all a man needs is to come home to a grateful family and dinner on the stove – certainly touched a nerve. It paints a picture of the good ol’ days, where men earned respect by bringing home the bacon, and everything else just fell into place.

But here’s the kicker: respect is great, but it’s not everything. Sure, it feels good to have people nod appreciatively when you walk into a room, but what happens when that respect isn’t there, or it fades? This is where the wheels start to wobble, and the car swerves off the road. Richard V. Reeves, in his book Of Boys and Men, argues that our culture’s obsession with respect is misplaced and even dangerous. Men, he suggests, don’t just need respect—they need purpose.

Why Purpose is the Real Game-Changer

Let’s be real. Respect can be fleeting. It’s dependent on external factors—what others think of you, how they treat you, or whether they even notice you in the first place. It’s like basing your self-worth on how many “likes” you get on social media. One day you’re on top of the world, and the next, you’re wondering why no one’s commenting on your perfectly filtered photo.

Purpose, on the other hand, is internal. It’s about what you do, what you create, and how you contribute to the world around you. It’s not about demanding respect—it’s about being respectable by living a life filled with meaning. David French, writing about the struggles faced by veterans, highlights how even the most respected groups, like military vets, can struggle with despair if they lose their sense of purpose. Despite the respect they’ve earned, many vets face crushing loneliness and a loss of direction after leaving the service. The problem isn’t that they’ve lost respect; it’s that they’ve lost purpose.

Finding Your North Star: How to Discover Your Purpose

So, how do you find this magical purpose that’s going to make everything in life click? The truth is, it’s not something you just stumble upon one day. It’s a process of exploration, experimentation, and sometimes, a bit of soul-searching.

1. Start Small: Purpose doesn’t have to be about saving the world or curing cancer (though if that’s your thing, go for it!). It can be as simple as being a great dad, a supportive partner, or an inspiring mentor. Purpose is about making a positive impact, no matter the scale.
2. Stay Curious: Your purpose doesn’t have to be one thing for your entire life. Maybe it’s building a successful career in your 20s and 30s, then shifting to community service or a new hobby in your 40s, 50s and beyond. Be open to change and growth.
3. Serve Others: This is the big one. Purpose often comes from helping others. Whether it’s through your job, your family, your friends, or your community, contributing to the well-being of others gives your life meaning. Remember, it’s not just about what others can do for you, but what you can do for them!

The Modern Man’s Mission

Richard V. Reeves and David French both hit on a critical point: men today are at a crossroads. The old models of masculinity—where men were the sole breadwinners and demanded respect just for showing up—are outdated. Today, the challenge is to redefine what it means to be a man by focusing on purpose, not just respect.

This isn’t about abandoning all those traditional values. It’s about evolving them. It’s about realizing that while respect is nice, purpose is what will keep you grounded, motivated, and fulfilled in the long run. So, gentlemen, if you find yourself feeling lost, don’t chase after respect. Instead, seek out your purpose. It’s the compass that will guide you through life’s challenges, bringing you not just happiness, but true fulfillment.

And who knows? You might just end up with that grateful family and dinner on the stove after all—just don’t forget that the real prize is the sense of purpose that got you there.

Credits, References, and resources

Richard V. Reeves website: https://richardvreeves.com/

David French NYT article: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/12/opinion/men-purpose-respect.html